shine bright.

instrides @ 2007-01-02T20:42:00

2007-01-03T00:42:52Z

2007. two-thousand-oh-seven. twenty-seven. se-ven.
"of course, they say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star"
resolutions:
1, read & learn
2, less internet
3, explore and discover
those are vague so i can avoid actual goals.

instrides @ 2006-12-02T16:05:00

2006-12-02T20:05:50Z

535/405

It might be lonelier
Without the loneliness-
I'm so accustomed to my Fate-
Perhaps the Other- Peace-

Would interrupt the Dark-
And crowd the little Room-
Too scant- by Cubits- to contain
The Sacrament- of Him-

I am not used to Hope-
It might intrude upon-
It's sweet parade- blaspheme the place-
Ordained to Suffering-

It might be easier
To fail- with Land in Sight-
Than gain- my Blue Peninsula-
To perish- of Delight-

thanks emily dickinson, you are the greatest!!

the ideal sunday

2006-11-13T02:39:12Z

woke up late, ate lunch at the deli, studied memory and levels of consciousness for psych, went to poetry reading, smoked a joint with alex, drank a huge milkshake, read a short story in french, took a brilliant shower.

instrides @ 2006-11-06T15:14:00

2006-11-06T19:14:40Z

i'm so psyched for thanksgiving! ps, went to bob dylan in detroit. got backstage passes and chilled with the foo fighters, who actually played really well acoustically. met & took shots with dave grohl, fufilled my middleschool fantasies. i hella love road trips. peace!

instrides @ 2006-09-18T22:58:00

2006-09-19T02:59:40Z

this saturday:
Sufjan Stevens @ Indianapolis

monday sept 25
Of Montreal @ Columbus

hell yes!

basically

2006-09-01T19:21:45Z

college is good en generale
but i miss certain things/people
like REAL FOOD
and driving around
and knowing everyone
and everyone knowing me
having free time, all the time
slacking off
but i love things i don't have at home
like my roommate
my new friends
living next to a boy
living across the hall from a triple of boys
every night being a sleepover party
intellectual stimulation
sweater weather
no parents. ever.

boored and junk.

2006-08-19T22:10:07Z

instrides @ 2006-08-08T02:36:00

2006-08-08T06:46:30Z

it's late. and I am tired. and I feel like making a list about nothing/myself.
I wish I could speak French fluently.
I wish I could also rap in French.
without stability and a certain level of comfort I get all panicky.
in that way, I am a homebody.
guess what? usually when I say I don't know what I want to do, all I really want to do is go lie on in that field in New Zealand that is the background on dell computers.
I enjoy picnics.
I would like to have my own darkroom.
also an apartment on the top floor of a building in Manhatten and a garden on the roof.
secretly I wish no one else was named clare.
secretly I really enjoy watching Wildn' Out.
secretly I am kindof attracted to Nick Cannon.
secretly I hate caricatures of people.
I think I think about myself too much.

instrides @ 2006-07-16T00:12:00

2006-07-16T04:22:50Z

i have not been on livejournal for a long time. and after this i'll probably keep it that way.
so. not to get really matronly and domestic, but almost every time i babysit i am reminded of how much i want kids and how amazing and pure and real they are. i was babysitting for my next door neighbors, and the girl (9) was showing me this doll she played with when she was little. she said "the doll never opens her eyes. she's always asleep." the boy (age 6. 6!) quickly retorted, "that's because she's never had a reason to wake up." and they just kept saying things like that, things that were blowing me away, making me feel sufficiently phony and dumb and basically all the bad parts about being (almost) grown up. but still, being around kids brings out the best of me. the two kids and i were having tickle wars and the boy-kid was doing all these karate chops. he told me he was a tai-quon-do master and i said, "yeah, well, guess what? i have a black belt... in tickling!" and then when i put them to bed the boy wrote a note to his parents that said "mom & dad, please chek on me. if im awake cuddle. if im asleep hug and kiss." basically my heart is really swelled and close to popping out of my chest.

instrides @ 2006-06-13T00:56:00

2006-06-13T05:01:25Z

that gradual end that always seemed so far ahead is here. my emotions vary between regret, nervousness, impatience, and excitedness. i'm not sure what i want anymore but more than anything i'm afraid i'll never figure it out.

first time on livejournal in probably 3 months.

2006-05-09T04:19:13Z

CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD. NO EXPLANATIONS.
too bad I break the rules.
1. Yourself: sunburnt & content
2. Your Lover: absent
3. Your Hair: curly, kinda dirty
4. Your Mother: birthday today
5. Your Father: complete dork and occasionally lovable.
6. Your Favorite Item: camera/notebook/puppy
7. Your Dream Last Night: can't remember
8. Your Favorite Drink: juice
9. Your Dream Home: paris. more realistically nyc.
10. The Room You Are In: office
11. Your Pet: dogcat
12. Who You Are Now: sore misunderstood and hopeful
13. Who You Want To Be In Ten Years: in love happy but still searching
15. What You Don't Wanna Be: lonely
16. Your Best Friend: like 5 of them
17. One of Your Wish List Items: computer
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: burn 3 cds
20. What You Are Wearing: clothes
21. Your Favorite Weather: spring (now!)
22. Your Favorite Book: cantdecide!
23. The Last Thing You Ate: cake deliciousness
24. Your Life: wavering between rollercoaster and complete boredom
25. Your Mood: tired
26. Your Favorite Store: h&m or target or whole foods
27. Your Favorite Sport: badminton, seriously
28. Favorite Memory: a dream I had when I was young. I was flying.
29. Who Do You Miss Right Now: peeps
30: Who Did You Get This Survey From: thomas o'brien

instrides @ 2006-03-10T03:21:00

2006-03-10T03:26:39Z

why am I completely incapable of getting anything done? all I do is sleep, watch the style channel (not a COMPLETE waste of time), think of reasons to not do my work, and read so many books that are not for school. what am I going to do next year?
someday I will reveal my 5 deepest fears and secrets to a whole group of people like the girl on Made had to do. just not while I'm in high school. oh and by the way, I went to EVERY CLASS today. there were only three classes scheduled for the day, but still, that hasn't happened in such a long time.

instrides @ 2006-02-20T17:48:00

2006-02-20T22:52:38Z

one parent-free weekend,
two consecutive parties,
three hours passed since my parents got home & they don't suspect anything.
so succexy. I ♥ winning at life.

instrides @ 2006-02-12T19:32:00

2006-02-13T00:38:03Z

This is a great time because, 1. NO SCHOOL TOMORROW. I'm about to go drunken midnight sledding- 2. Last night was literally a fucking miracle. Basically, it was a rolling-on-the-floor-with-laughter sign from God. I love being 17 and silly and happy; 3. Metric show, March 10. Opening band: Islands (ex-Unicorns). awww shit.

instrides @ 2006-01-29T19:47:00

2006-01-30T00:51:18Z

the past few days have been really intense and wierd and heavy. I'M EMOTIONALLY DRAINED. so many tears from everyone, bizarre experiences, too much testing, fights, meeting new people, jealousy, car accidents and hospital visits.
RIP Queen Elizabeth.

only because I got an exclamation point.

2006-01-25T00:36:32Z

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I buy so many books that I know I will never have time to read. I just really like how they look on my bookshelf. Plus I get the ill discount on them anyway.
2. I like to blast music with the windows down when I'm driving sometimes in a subconcious attempt to make all the people walking feel inferior.
3. Sappy romance movies: I know in my heart they're really bad, but they are just so enjoyable to watch. I'm such a girl. Another part of this guilty pleasure is that I cry during every movie. I love/hate movie-crying.
4. Taking pictures of myself. It's lame and junk but it's also so fucking fun.
5. I spend too much time online/watching tv. It's such a waste of my time but it's really relaxing.

There, five guilty pleasurez! I tag: Mimi because she probably has interesting guilty pleasures, Barrett because he gives me hugs a lot, Tom OB because he's gay, Molly Hindenberg because she never updates her livejournal, and anyone else who wants do this can just pretend their name is the fifth.

In other news, WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME. or rather, why is it always not me?
sometimes I feel like I completely live on the sidelines. sometimes I feel like I'm too into myself. you know? I think that tomorrow something completely amazing and glorious and happy and life-changing should happen - to me, for once. Make it happen.

instrides @ 2006-01-23T20:24:00

2006-01-24T01:33:56Z

I don't know if my goldfish Queen Elizabeth is sleeping or dead and it's scaring me. Probably the stress of midterms is killing her since she lives vicariously through me anyway. We're still not playing badminton but gym is a little fun again because I'm on Team Awesome and we're playing volleyball. So maybe Queen Elizabeth will get better/come back to life soon so she can experience the glory of beating all the other teams in my gym class volleyball tournement. Queen Elizabeth is a good companion. I mean my goldfish by the way, not the actual queen. Because the real Queen Elizabeth has been dead for many years and would not make a good companion at all.

instrides @ 2006-01-13T18:26:00

2006-01-13T23:31:29Z

I hate the fact that I am a huge egomaniac. Am I? Is everyone? I don't understand how anyone can NOT be focused on themselves all the time, because for me, I am it. I am all there is. Maybe it's just that a lot of the time I am completely in my own little world, my own universe. I always assume that everyone else is in their own universe and we're all rotating around in one big constellation, constantly bumping into each other. Why should I be focused on other planets when I am already on my own? I am articulating this so badly.

instrides @ 2006-01-09T22:02:00

2006-01-10T03:08:49Z

I made the best salad today. It had lettuce, chickpeas, olives, onion, avocado, sundried tomato, and cucumber. So delicious. I am a master salad maker. I consider this to be extremely news worthy. It was beautiful today. Is it a bad thing to live vicariously through others if you enjoy it completely? Someday maybe I will have my own exciting movie star life. I submitted my writing scholarship today. What if I won $10,000. That would help so much with my college loans. mhmm I hate high school, it is a complete waste of time. The usual.

instrides @ 2006-01-04T23:21:00

2006-01-05T04:29:39Z

I don't want to waste my time. It slips, squandered, through my fingers and drips down my arms.
I should be so happy. I am happy! I am a happy panicked nervous wreck and I'm drumming my fingernails and I feel choked but I'm grinning like a chesire cat somewhere inside. Perspective is important and it's what I need.
It is winter. There is slush. Soon it will be spring and we will all bloom again. What am I talking about?

instrides @ 2006-01-02T22:11:00

2006-01-03T03:21:47Z

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yours" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I hate the idea of yogurt but I eat so many Yoplait Whips.
2. I am completely & hopelessly addicted to Law and Order.
3. I have too many clothes to fit in my room, but I can't stop buying & accumulating clothing.
4. It's really difficult for me to sleep if I'm not curled up and on my side.
5. I worry a lot about what other people think of me. (I don't think that is a weird habit, just neurotic.)

I'm not gonna tag anyone.
and I don't have any New Years Resolutions except to be AWESOME!
My break started and ended really well, but there was a lull in the middle where I slept and slept and slept. It was sleep overkill.

instrides @ 2005-12-19T18:48:00

2005-12-19T23:56:02Z

I got into Kenyon. During English, Jesse told me that he got in so I knew my letter had probably come. We drove to my house and I jumped out of the car while it was still moving and ran to my mailbox. Right away I saw a big envelope sticking out and when I picked it up, I just saw the big thumbs up on the front (it was so cute) and started screaming and jumping up and down. Everyone came running from the car and hugged me and we were throwing books everywhere and laughing and yelling and I don't even know what. Great feeling. My mom came home about five minutes later and went a little crazy. In the letter there are all these financial aid forms, confirmation forms, and roommate forms. The idea of getting into college and the idea of actually going are so different. It seems surreal, the idea that I'll be leaving home so soon. I was thinking so much about getting accepted that I kind of forgot I'm actually going to go.
So who wants to go drunk sledding with me?

instrides @ 2005-12-11T23:47:00

2005-12-12T04:50:47Z

okay so there is no way I am passing environmental science right now. I literally haven't turned one thing in this marking period. ughugh it's all such bullshit and I'm so tired of high school. I'm done with that shit. but it still gives me a bad feeling in my stomach.

tag! you're it.

2005-12-08T04:47:13Z

thanks Frank,
List 5 songs you've been listening to recently:

1) Joanna Newsom - Peach, Plum, Pear
2) Hellogoodbye - Oh is it Love
3) Beulah - Popular Mechanics for Lovers
4) M.I.A. - Galang
5) Regina Spektor - December

Tag 5 People:
1) no one!
2) nada
3) anyone who feels like doing this survey.
4) Bill Clinton
5) I don't like forcing people to do things like surveys & sex.

instrides @ 2005-11-30T22:52:00

2005-12-01T03:53:34Z